By: Addyson Garner » From the June 2023 issue of Reclaim
The rise of hybrid work environments in the last three years has brought so many amazing opportunities for parents: increased flexibility in scheduling, more options when choosing where to live, and access to alternative education options like remote learning and homeschooling. With this newfound flexibility comes a newfound set of challenges for parents, especially those who find themselves working full-time jobs while also being the primary caregiver. After all, if your work is accessible anywhere, you should be too—right?
How can parents keep up? And how can management support parents through these changes while supporting a healthy work-life balance?
The key, as is often the case, is clear communication.
I’m a working mom. I’m the head of events for a medium-sized think tank in Washington, D.C., and I’m happy to say that its office culture is a dream for a working parent. My employer offers me the ability to work from home as often as I’d like, along with flexible hours, unlimited vacation, and every other Friday off. With all that slack, some HR reps might wonder how anything gets done—but it does.
That’s because both employees and managers are clear about expectations and boundaries. It’s such a simple, yet effective, way to maintain a healthy employee-manager relationship.
A good manager will allow you to set boundaries around your time and your needs.
Author Brene Brown put it well in a 2018 post on her website:
“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. I first heard this saying two decades ago in a 12-step meeting…and didn’t even think about it again until I saw the data about how most of us avoid clarity because we tell ourselves that we’re being kind, when what we’re actually doing is being unkind and unfair.
Feeding people half-truths or bullshit to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind.
Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind.
Talking about people rather than to them is unkind.”
For a working parent, it’s important to be clear about your needs as an employee and as a parent. Your manager can’t read your mind, and won’t know that a 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. work day fits better with your infant’s nap schedule or the school bus than a 9-to-5 schedule does—unless you tell them! If you’re clear about your needs, they might still say no. But they might also say yes—which won’t even be a possibility if you’re not clear in the first place.
Another great way to maintain some sanity while balancing family and work is to share the “mental load” of parenting with a partner, if you have one. That means acting as a team to accomplish what needs to get done in the household, from scheduling doctor’s appointments and paying bills to picking up groceries and cleaning toilets.
Domestic labor is still labor, and in an equitable relationship both partners take an active role in keeping the house running. This doesn’t mean that the work will always be split exactly 50/50, but it does mean that the balance feels fair for both partners and the workload doesn’t fall primarily onto one person. Trusting your partner with their share of the mental load can keep you at your most productive at work instead of worrying about what isn’t getting done at home. For more on sharing the mental load, check out Fair Play by Eve Rodsky, a system for how to divide up household tasks fairly, based on your needs.
(On a related note, self-care and mindfulness are also important tools for preventing burnout. I’d always encourage therapy, as well as talking to your doctor about managing your mental health just like your physical health. Unfortunately, not everyone has access to quality mental health care, but there are budget-friendly resources available. For example, I’ve recently discovered Movement Genius—a website started by actress Alyson Stoner—as a helpful stress and anxiety resource.)
Lastly, please make sure to make full use of the benefits and resources offered by your employer, if you’re fortunate enough to work somewhere with those kinds of services. For example, some employers offer free counseling, childcare reimbursement, and flexible scheduling.
Check in with your manager or HR—those opportunities are meant for your use.
The same principle goes for managers who want to support working parents and promote employees’ work-life balance: Clear is kind.
Your employee doesn’t know where you’re most flexible or willing to accommodate their schedule until you tell them. Trust and flexibility are key in a hybrid work environment, and your willingness to support your staff will make or break their experience at your organization. Glassdoor reviews don’t usually talk about how great staff retreats or birthday gifts are—they reflect the flexibility, empathy, and support of direct management. When you trust your staff to get their jobs done, your staff feel empowered to do so. Allowing parents to flex their hours lets us know that you understand the work will get done. Scheduling emails exists for this reason!
On the other side of that coin, managers mustn’t confuse accommodation for infantilization. You shouldn’t deny opportunities to an employee who is a parent just because you think they’d be inconvenienced. Even if your intent is to be considerate, you might end up denying your employee a challenge or opportunity that they would excel in. Passing up a parent for a work trip or role because you assume that they wouldn’t (or couldn’t) arrange childcare or travel can make your employee feel like they’re missing out because of their family situation. Try letting them know the opportunity is there and you’re willing to support them either way.
A good manager knows the value of advocating for resources for their staff. Your employees can’t self-care themselves out of a severely lacking vacation policy or poor insurance coverage. To keep good team members around, make sure they’re taken care of. Managers and organizations with libertarian principles can especially appreciate this idea. Instead of relying on government mandates to set the baseline for a fair and enjoyable workplace, we can create that environment voluntarily!
Actively encourage staff to use vacation time and utilize flexible work options (my employer actually requires me to take two weeks off every August!). Otherwise, they may worry that they’ll be secretly penalized for taking advantage of these options.
Lastly, let’s touch on equality: Time and time again, I see articles, workshops, and seminars about “how to balance family and your career”– but they’re invariably aimed at women. There just isn’t a comparable support system out there for men. It’s been well-documented that even in households where both parents are employed full-time, women are still consistently doing a majority of childcare and household chores.
Telling women that they hold some special responsibility to balance work and home life (while their husbands don’t) isn’t empowering to anyone—it just upholds the same outdated stereotypes and increases burnout within families. If this sounds unusual, look into “deprogramming” the part of your brain that may be holding onto traditional ideas about gender roles, especially the idea that women are the primary caretaker by default. Dads are just as important as moms, and they should have just as much flexibility in the workplace to care for their children! Managers shouldn’t presume that only women need flexible work arrangements to care for their families.
It looks like remote work is here to stay for many people and that’s probably a good thing. There’s no silver bullet that will magically give you a perfect work-life balance—this stuff is complicated!—but it goes a long way when both employers and employees are clear about expectations and managers open-minded about work hours and arrangements.
— Addyson Garner is a think tank event coordinator & mother living in the Washington, D.C. area